A Letter To Mr Not-Right-Now

Hey there hot stuff,

This is the down-low: You have rocked my world, and you have a great butt. But this is not working for me. Not because we don't get along - we do. You've got a mind I could wander in for miles, and a soul so fathomless I could go deep-sea diving. But the plain truth is that I am not ready for someone as strange as you. It's me... not you. Except... it IS you!

I think the first clue of your eccentricity was the restraining order for me... and then the fact that every time I get your newest number, it's unreachable within a day. I mean if I didn't know better I would think you were avoiding me!!! But I have felt the connection... when I look into your eyes I know the intensity is so great that you can't help but look away. Sure it looks like a nervous twitch - as though you are frantically, furtively glancing around for the nearest exit. It's quite endearing and just makes you all the more sexy in my eyes. I'm a bit worried though at the attachment that you have formed to that shiny new letter opener of yours... and the other night the edge of the blade caught the light and it looked almost like a real knife! Baby, if you are scared of anyone, you need to tell me.

I guess this fear is what has made you change the locks to your place so many times... and I guess the feeling has been so overpowering and mind-numbing you forgot to tell me each time! Luckily in order not to trouble you I have managed to get the keys copied quietly every time. I know how stressed you are at work too - I mean every time I call the work number you gave me your secretary answers as Pizza Hut Home Delivery! It's great to have a laugh at work, but I am sure working with such jokers can get tiring.

But honey, any fool can tell you have issues. I'm just not ready for such complex problems. I mean I thought my last boyfriend was strange (he kept moving town without telling me, and he's either had a sex operation and turned into a woman, or has left the country - noone is telling me, and his old neighbours all seem to cower when they see me! It's baffling!), but you take the cake!

So I'll be seeing you... (and not just via satellite from the well hidden secret CCTV I had installed in your room)...

XOXO

Miss Totally-CRAZY-For-You

Ke Nako

SPOILER - I HAVE BEEN A LITTLE FOOTBALL CRAZY OF LATE... YOU WILL UNDERSTAND AS YOU READ ALONG.

Ke Nako... It's time

We came onto the playing field, you and I, almost expecting glory. Ready to battle, ready to overcome, ready to shine. We came with hearts full of exhilaration, anticipation, and excitement - knowing that there would be challenges, and yet certain - positive - that we would come out winners. Oh, there was the occasional shadow of possibly unsavoury outcomes, but they were quickly swept away in the thrill of the game and the joyful frissons that blossomed at every sweet victory.

We could not lose. We would not lose.

We lost.

Perhaps it was our strategy. Or could it have been that we were simply not ready? Worse still, is the possibility that this alliance we formed was not the ideal one. My mind is on constant replay - fast forwarding, and rewinding, and pausing over and over and over again, trying to pinpoint the moments of weakness, and the little failures, and then trying to determine how best to overcome and strengthen ourselves for the next attempt on the playing field. But what if the only solution is to build a different team for a different playing field?

Ke Nako - it's time to admit defeat, put down our waving flag, and find comfort in the fact that we came, we saw, we tried.

Farfatoolalo

So I tried something new recently, that didn't really work out. For the sake of future reference let's refer to it as 'Farfatoolalo'. These things happen - or as in this case, don't. We fall, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move forward. Ideally, anyway.

Not me. I went on a whinge binge, and it just occurred to me how annoying I have been lately. A few weeks ago I was reasonably interesting in that I could have a conversation about a multitude of things other than the aforementioned Farfatoolalo. But lately every word I utter is about Farfatoolalo, and every conversation I have is directed towards Farfatoolalo! Well this Farfatoolalo talking has gone too far! I seem to have no personality other than whingeing ALL the time, and I have begun to sound annoying even to myself! So to other people I must have reached unbearable levels, because I usually find myself immensely entertaining, and I can no longer say this is true. Sigh.

So I am done with the Farfatoolalo. Eat my dust Farfatoolalo. You belong in the past and all I can see right now is a Futurefatoolalo. My whinge binge is officially at an end.

But how I miss the idea of Farfatoolalo!

My little poet

I have a bunch of littler siblings who are all very special (read strange and quirky and incredibly interesting) in their own right. But tonight, it is the littlest one who has drawn me out in baffled surprise. She's seventeen years my junior (a fact that is going to drive me insane in the near future as I embark on my looming mid-life crisis), and at eleven years, she is as smart as a whip. She's very attuned to people around her emotionally, and as the evidence below will imply, I worry that she might be a tad cynical... I'm a bit worried at some of the depth of emotion that has evolved from her words - emotion I, at a SLIGHTLY riper age, do not seem capable of. She's recently begun to write poetry, and am eager to know your thoughts on the same.

I hereby present to you the words of Khushboo Shah.

Goodbye

As I said my goodbyes
I felt like a firefly
As my flight would leave in ten minutes
I couldn't say goodbye to mum
Otherwise I would start sucking my thumb
I couldn't say goodbye to dad
Otherwise I might get mad, or sad
I couldn't say goodbye to my siblings
Because they helped me with everything
But now I want to say goodbye
I need to cry
No matter how much I want to cry
I cannot cry
But now I find myself crying

And now for the REALLY perturbing one:

Untitled

All my life I believed
In a dream of a tale
Where a prince meets a girl
And it ends happily
But now I see that it can't
And it won't
Because my happy ending
Has been written into
A fated tragedy

Even now I find
I can never forget
All the songs that you wrote
And I sang
And it echoes in my heart
Every note that I hear
In my mind
Drives me mad
And I find
That I'm falling and
Falling apart

I am just wishing that
I could break the chains that
Hold me back
So I could maybe
Return
To better days