Old dog, new tricks

It's my birthday tomorrow (or today, depending on what time zone you're in). For the past few years, in the weeks preceding this day, I go through major introspection, and go on this crusade to improve myself and reinvent myself, and basically try and make myself better. Suffice to say that these are like the New Year's resolutions that everyone else cease to follow even before the end of January.

So this year I didn't waste the time picking myself apart, and deciding what to change. I'm an old dog, and I won't be learning any new tricks this year. Okay, I'm not that old, but it's a cool line, and I wanted to use it. It's my birthday, and therefore I'm allowed!

Anyway the plan this year is not to forget that there are aspects of myself that need a little bit of polishing. No, sir. I know where I need to improve, and I shall - in my own time. It's like me NOT deciding to go to the gym. Once I decided NOT to go, I went more times than when I had decided to go regularly. It's just what makes me special. And that's what today is going to be about. Accepting the wackiness that is me. Reveling in it. After all this day should be more than me binging on some good cake that I won't be going to the gym to burn, right?

(P.S. I'm a bit worried about how people are going to pronounce binging - it had me confused too!)

Be warned

(Sorry it was just too tempting to use every cliche possible!)


Be warned young man, you're about to be played. Be warned because that glint in those seemingly guileless eyes only means that she has found her next target. And honey, from that artful fluttering and the casual way she holds on to your arm, you're it.

I've seen the drill, and believe me, I know what I'm talking about. But you've already fallen. I can tell from the glimmer of excitement in your face as she approaches.

She comes to you like a breath of fresh air, and disarms with a devil-may-care attitude and blinking doe-eyed innocence that brings out a need to protect. That's right, she's every cliche brought to life. Be careful young man. She seems too good to be true because she is.

Ah, those charming rainbow-hued dresses that just flit above the knee. That puzzling, delightful combination of coquette and naivete - Sex Kitten and Girl Next Door combined. Laughter that sounds of bells. A voice that pours over you, like caramel. It's almost amusing to see how quickly and completely you fall.

She's reeling you in, and you marvel at your luck. She's beauty and wit combined, a walking fantasy. Oh dear, I've seen her without her make up, and have seen more cunning than intelligence in her persona, but you are already too far gone. She's got you in her clutches, well and good.

I give it three weeks before you feel suffocated, and her hand reaches into your pocket more than you do. Three weeks before you'll be on the verge of warning the next infatuated fop...