Extraordinary

This is going to be a rant and a rave and then some. Consider yourself warned.

I am done sitting by, watching amazing, extraordinary people take crap when they really shouldn't. When they should know better. When they make excuses for the crap givers because they begin to question how extraordinary they truly are.

Listen to me. And listen hard. Be brave and acknowledge that you are truly amazing, and people around you should treat you accordingly. I'm not talking red carpets and expensive gifts and whatever other superficial stuff. I'm talking respect, and honesty, and love. I'm not saying you should be proud and act like you are the salt of the earth. Acknowledge what you deserve from people around you. PLEASE. You are too good to be living life by somebody else's rules when your inner happiness, and inner sunshine, and inner spirit and inner extraordinariness is at stake.

You are extraordinary. It is your gift to share it, and look after it. If you dampen it, you will have to answer to no-one but yourself.

The Moth and the Flame

The flame burned brightly, minding its own business. Alone. Aloof. Strong and silent. It flickered tantalizingly, unaware of its appeal, and the light it threw about just by being.

The moth stood in the shadows, observing quietly. She couldn't understand why she was drawn to this quiet, enigmatic flame. She could feel its light and its warmth, and she wondered if she dared get close... if she dared reach out and touch it...

It paid her no heed, just shared light and heat and energy unconsciously.

She thought, and gathered courage, and finally went straight to it... edging a wing into the liquid, airy orange. And the flame consumed her. She became the flame.

Instant Generation

As people living in relatively big cities go, I've always thought of myself as having a slow pace. I love lazy mornings, and lazy afternoons, and... lazy evenings too. I feel like a lot of people around me are in a race to get things done, and experience things, and not lose a single moment. I'm a bit laid back in comparison. I could TEACH the art of smelling the roses, and whiling away the time, and floating along patiently until the next best thing.

Or so I thought.

Until recently when I had a whole bunch of experiences - you know... the kind that make you grow (I hope), and learn, and mature (again, I hope). And as experiences go, I am not naive enough to believe that many haven't undergone bigger or more or worse or better. But they were significant enough for me to be thrown off-kilter... for a while. For a seemingly LONG while.

And then I realized: I'm not as patient as I previously thought. You see I have access to goods, and services, that are built to save time. That's why I'm able to loll about as much as I do. There's fast food everywhere, pre-cut vegetables, two-minute noodles, and instant microwavable meals. There's also home delivery and take-out. There's internet and telephone and airplane freight and travel, which makes the waiting of just a few years ago appear obscene and inefficient. This is not to say there are entire societies still living in a whole different level of pace. But well... I'm talking about me here. And for me, and the life I'm living, I'm not really used to having to wait for things. And while this is great from the consumer me point-of-view, it's kind of screwed me up on the personal point-of-view.

You see, what I have finally learned is that personal growth and maturity is a slower process.

A. Much. Slower. Process.

It takes a while for you to evaluate your experiences and reactions and challenges and see what they mean to you, and how best to accept and accommodate them into your life. I've driven myself, and a whole lot of poor people crazy trying to understand the whys and whats and hows and what do these things mean queries because I wanted instant understanding and instant fixes. As a friend said, we of the instant generation want to rush into, and out of, everything. Action, reaction and assimilation. We're a pretty arrogant bunch like that. We have forgotten to respect time - something we really have NO control over.

Even that microwavable meal underwent a lengthier processing time, than it takes to heat it. We forget. I forgot.

Lesson are far from instant. Epiphanies appear to be... but there's a quiet rumination that pushes them forward. That's what this epiphany tells me anyway!


I'll end with a beautiful quote by Haruki Murakami: “As time goes on, you’ll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn’t, doesn’t. Time solves most things. And what time can’t solve, you have to solve yourself.”

I'm working on solving what I can... and well... there's just no rushing time!

Celebration-By-Cupcakes

So today I celebrate a mini personal achievement. And no, I'm not telling you what it is. No, not even if you give me those puppy-dog eyes, and that cute, quivering, wobbly lip. If I tell you, you might get a clue into how truly retarded I am, and I like having you around at the level of retarded I've let you perceive me to be... Just sayin'...

When I decided to celebrate today, it took some time figuring out how exactly... I don't do alcohol well, if at all. I like to have big meals with friends all the time, and I've been singing and dancing my way through most of my days. I'm not sure how my wacky and wonderful (stop shaking your head at the 'wonderful' bit!) brain came to a stop on cupcakes... but it did... cupcakes are cute, and colourful, and small enough so that you don't feel guilty if you don't share, but big enough to split one between two. And you can carry them around and they come in cute little paper cups... seriously... what's not to like?

Then I thought I'd splurge on some of those famous Magnolia cupcakes, but well I don't know how many people I'm going to be celebrating with, and they are a tad pricey, and I am at the bottom of my financial barrel... plus I woke up on the stingy side of my bed this month, and I don't have to explain why I snubbed the Magnolias to you anyway! Stop judging me!

On top of it, it occurred to me that I haven't baked in several months because I've been a lazy mopey ass who seriously hasn't deserved half of the amazing that exists in my life, and also because I've been so exhausted (I work hard! Snort!), and very, very busy. And while I'm quite ok at making muffins, I haven't tried my hand at cupcakes yet... I've wanted to, though but been scared and well... lazy... I'm guessing (hoping!) the principle isn't too different, except cupcakes are daintier, and they have frosting!

So... today I'm going to make three kinds of cupcakes - Red Velvet, Lemon, and Vanilla with colourful sprinkles (I just have to buy the sprinkles), and celebrate with whoever is around... wish me luck, and if you're in the neighbourhood, come on over to my crib! (Yes I know am not hip enough to be using that lingo... but honestly you tell me... is anyone?)

Dream Thief

Arms stretched outward, protectively, she backed away. Her eyes were fierce, and her stance strong and ready to defend. She had always been warned of the dark... of shadows and inky nights. But no one told her about the dangers that lurked in the daytime... when beautiful blue skies did nothing to combat the evils of the light. She had learned the hard way, that reality often came in the most beautiful guise, and it seldom came at night.

She loved the night... mystical, magical full moons, and translucent apple-slice lunar wedges, the nocturnal sounds that were otherwise smothered by the bustle of the day, and the quiet, distant magnetism of the stars. She was a dreamer by definition, and by identity. She dreamed in symbiosis with the universe, and in ways few could understand or relate. She collected her dreams, and stored them with care. Others had riches of a different kind, but her wealth was the quantity and quality of her subconscious. They fueled her hope, and drove her passion, and truth be told... they were the reason she still lived. It was as simple, and as complicated as that.

But lately something strange and sinister had been happening. Something, or someone, had been chipping away at her most beautiful dreams, and her older ones - the ones that were less vivid, and slippery - had gone missing! She had come to realize that once dawn broke and she went through her usual daily routine her dreams became vulnerable, and victim to reality. She had slowly begun to lose the sparkle that her dreams lent her, and this had to stop. She was her dreams, and without them she wouldn't exist.

And so, today, she would fight the Dream Thief, and she would fight without fear and she would cry victory.

She had dreamed it so.

There Will Be Time Later

Can you hear the music? Does it pound in your ears like something primitive and basic, mimicking the drumming of your heart, and the blood rushing in your veins? Lose yourself in it, and let it drown everything else out. Succumb. Forget thought, and emotion, and feeling. You are the beat, and the beat is you.

Do you feel the rush of time and people and movement and life? Throw yourself into it with speed and abandon. Any activity will do. For now, forgetting is necessary. Thinking is lethal. Feeling is suicidal. Lose yourself in speed and motion. And do it quickly. For now, surviving lies in movement. Living lies in passing the time, and passing it quickly, and noisily.

There will be time for stillness and silence - time to comprehend, and assimilate, and accept. There will be time later for your tears and anger and remorse and regret. You will understand, and appreciate, and acknowledge the lessons you learned. If you listen to me now, and drown out your thoughts, and don't slow down enough for them to take over, I promise you there will be time later.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody

The other night a bunch of us went out dancing. We were a motley crew of despair, heartbreak and generally in need of just rejoicing, letting our collective hair down, and giving ourselves up to the beat. And of course, it had to be done to old school music. Most of the new stuff is more bump and grind, and while the baser instincts can SOMETIMES relate, it's hard for your soul to truly connect to the latest tracks... also because the memories that one attaches to music haven't quite been cemented in the psyche just yet...

We had a wonderful time to say the least, and well those old tracks lifted up our spirits to a high level. We laughed, and lip-synced, and danced as though we were in our very own dance video. We left inhibition and self-consciousness behind, and danced like no-one was watching, and sang like we were in concert (although I doubt anyone would PAY to see us!).

We moonwalked (ok not really, but would have loved to) to Michael Jackson, and were all faux virginal to Madonna, and basically offered reverence to several old school legends, and even some one-hit wonders... but the song that struck a real chord with the crowd was Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody". Now, it doesn't have the most poetic or deep lyrics, nor is the beat phenomenal... but its appeal lies in it's tag line... 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody - With Somebody Who Loves Me!'

I was one of scores of people from all sorts of backgrounds, and countries, and occupations, and levels of education, and we all sung out earnestly - 'With Somebody Who Loves Me!'

Longing and loving are really quite universal aren't they?

Sunshine Yellow

You colour my soul, and you colour it sunshine yellow. You make it buoyant, and you make it rise and float freely even when the tide is high, and the seas rough - even when it's reluctant to do so.

And when darkness is imminent, and stubborn, and affords a temporary win, you shoot arrows of love, and hope, and indignation, and support - pinpricks of light that shine into and out of my soul like the stars. And again, my soul slowly becomes sunshine yellow... taking from your strength, to make it's own.

Full Moon

The moon hangs full and low tonight. It's odd. The people in this sleepy village claim that crazy things happen here when the moon is full. The smallest madness in a being gets magnified, and explodes to the surface. Tears roll slowly down her face as she laughs at the thought.

The yellow orb reflects unsteadily on the waves. From this distance their sound is a gentle splashing, but they look fierce and strong and undecided. Like a madman unsure of his goal. They seem to have an almost thick, viscous texture as they roll up on the shore. They seem hungry, their mouths wide open - nipping at the young couple ambling in the sand hand-in-hand, nearly swallowing up the old man walking his dog, and slyly edging towards the little girl holding fast to her father's hand. A little giggle escapes her - despite the hand she has fisted against her mouth.

What a fanciful thought... lunar insanity. She feels the rain on her bare feet as she walks towards the edge. The drops make cleansing splatters on her bloody feet. The light from the moon hits her face, and makes the rivers down her face glisten. And as she steps off the cliff, she falls with the knowledge that it hasn't rained.

She's been crying.

Under the Sea

In a cacophony of watery blues, a solitary specimen of different fish flit here and there among the spiky sea urchins, and lumbering coral and rock formations. Just as the clouds part, and the light warbles softly into the gently unsettled water, a large school of fish glitters into the periphery of my vision.

The fish are a mischievous bunch of black and white stripes, olive green and cornflower blue. The light glints off their shiny bodies in motion, creating a vision so beautiful, I am awestruck... spellbound. And amazingly, I can relate them to another sight I saw not long before on land... A totally different life form, in a totally different element. The light dancing off each fish onto the next as they make their way in the sea, creates a view very much like falling leaves in autumn... it's one of those rare cases of nature imitating nature.

And for that very brief moment... I am confused as to where I really am...

That Night

The healing began that night.

The inky waves rolled up against the shore, and she sat, transfixed. The moon smiled wisely in a twinkling sky, and as she gazed out at sea she couldn't quite make out where the sea ended and the sky began. The breeze ruffled her hair, and the blaze from the fire armed her against its chill. The sounds of the waves breaking mingled with clear voices that sang into the night. They sang songs long forgotten; resuscitating the hopes and yearnings of her youth. Her heart expanded, and a slow smile spread from her belly up to her face.

If there was ever a time and place to let go, this was it. The knowledge and certainty of this filled her. There was power and magic all around, and she knew too, that the dreams she dreamt tonight would come true.

She gazed across the fire to a face that mirrored her own. It was full of wonder, and hope renewed - like her own. With silent consent they stood up and walked towards the water together. As she waded into the cool water, the waves threw her off balance for a moment. She knew a split second of fear and uncertainty. Just a split second - and then a hand grasped hers. Firmly. Tightly. And in that moment she began to trust again.

Retrospect

There are many things that you look back upon, and think, 'Aaah, so that's why it happened to me!', or, 'That's what I learned from it!' I'm not sure whether it's because everything happens for a reason, or that we become adept at justifying. We are a species with both logic and emotion (well most of us have both, I hope!), and because of this, I believe we always try and 'make sense' of things.

I'm not sure how far you can make sense of many things... I always believed that I, personally, was ruled by logic. Of late, I can lay no claims to this. I have discovered pride, and hurt, and how it feels when your pride is hurt (hehe). I now understand desperation, and the urge to hurt someone in the same way that they have hurt you. While I didn't fully succumb to this urge, I can definitely empathise now.

One of my favourite phrases is, 'The more the shit, the more fertilised your fields'. So am going to chalk all these unsavoury situations to experience, and believe that all the lessons that I am learning - that I don't KNOW I am learning - will make me an even better person in the very near (please!) future.

So right now, I will admit, I am in an ocean demanding logic and reason, and I don't know where to begin. Only time will tell, and as much as I want to rush time... well I can't really do that, can I?