It started with whispers. The whispers themselves were not tentative - no, that is not the nature of this particular voice. Perhaps they sounded like whispers because I was not ready to quite acknowledge its new existence. I might even have ignored it. It was unfamiliar. Different. Not the voice I was accustomed to.
It got louder. Or maybe I turned the volume up, getting ready to listen to it. To use it. To choose it.
It was a bit of a battle. Because, you see, I must reiterate that this voice is different. It is not timid or shy. It's more matter-of-fact, than apologetic. It's ratio of grateful to apologetic is higher than any voice I've had before. It's no-nonsense and a lot less diplomatic than I've ever been.
It's the embodiment of the current me. Which is why it's taken a while to actually hear what it has to say. And to adopt it as my voice. But it's here and I like it. I choose it. I want it.
It frees me.
It acknowledges that I am my own judge and jury before the noisy chatter and clatter of everyone else's opinions and judgements and negations.
It's self-aware.
It stands up for itself.
It is authoritative and hopefully not too loud. I do not want to drown out others.
It has zero tolerance for bullshit.
It does not make excuses for people's behaviour or look for fault within to explain their behaviour. It realises that somethings simply are.
It has cut the strings of duties and obligations and doubts that have mummified my words.
It is unapologetic when it is true to itself.
This voice is also transient, and knows it. It is a work-in-progress and happy to try different strengths and tones and modulations to fit me as I change and learn and accept myself.
It is me.
It got louder. Or maybe I turned the volume up, getting ready to listen to it. To use it. To choose it.
It was a bit of a battle. Because, you see, I must reiterate that this voice is different. It is not timid or shy. It's more matter-of-fact, than apologetic. It's ratio of grateful to apologetic is higher than any voice I've had before. It's no-nonsense and a lot less diplomatic than I've ever been.
It's the embodiment of the current me. Which is why it's taken a while to actually hear what it has to say. And to adopt it as my voice. But it's here and I like it. I choose it. I want it.
It frees me.
It acknowledges that I am my own judge and jury before the noisy chatter and clatter of everyone else's opinions and judgements and negations.
It's self-aware.
It stands up for itself.
It is authoritative and hopefully not too loud. I do not want to drown out others.
It has zero tolerance for bullshit.
It does not make excuses for people's behaviour or look for fault within to explain their behaviour. It realises that somethings simply are.
It has cut the strings of duties and obligations and doubts that have mummified my words.
It is unapologetic when it is true to itself.
This voice is also transient, and knows it. It is a work-in-progress and happy to try different strengths and tones and modulations to fit me as I change and learn and accept myself.
It is me.
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