Steel

I looked in the mirror this morning, and glimpsed something there that is new. Beneath the obvious facade, there have been changes. Remarkable ones. If I did not have the familiar mask that is my face, I would not be able to recognise myself. Where there was once a skeleton of bone, there is now steel. The strength from within shimmers through. There's an extra sparkle in my eyes, an extra glow on my cheeks. My gait is no longer hesitant but firm, and sure.

The days when I felt helpless and lonely are not that long ago. But the me that was, has been dropped as quickly as last season's favourite fad. I know what I can take now, and I fear nothing. I know what I can handle, and I will not balk. I know what I can survive, and I know I will do it with grace. I know who I can rely on - I look at her every morning in the mirror.

I am woman, hear me roar.
You give me shit, I use it as manure.

On Edge

Tonight I'm a drone of dichotomies. Exhilarated and anxious. Hopeful and despondent. Needing oxygen, but unable to breathe. There's a feeling of being so small, so inconsequential, and of knowing something big is about to come. Something great. Something important. And there is so much fear because I may never be the same again.

Every song sung so far, has been sung for me. Every chord of music, is a plucking of my heartstrings. I am every cliche brought to life, and every metaphor simplified. I am panic and adrenaline and desire and yearning. I am my own hero, and yet all I can do is send out SOS signals. I'm the silver screen brought to life, and reality made into a movie. I am confused and clear, and exploding with so much feeling. My lungs are full - there is no room for another breath.

Breathe little one... Breathe!

I feel the best of myself merging with the worst of myself. I feel complete, and yet lacking in so many ways. I have lost my breath, my confidence, maybe even what little sanity I possess. I must remember to breathe!

I'm on the edge. Blue skies above beckon; the ground far below teems with jagged rocks. The terrain is stark and stunning. Birds chirp and predators prowl, and here I am teetering at the very edge. Breathe! I do not know yet where the next moment is going to take me. Will I fall, or will I fly? Knowing means going to the edge.

I'm here... at the edge. And I just can't breathe! The moment has arrived, and I need, I must, I will fly.

Fall Apart

Fall apart baby. Let it out. I'll be here with a glass of water and a big hug. I'm here to listen or sit with you in silence while you figure it out. I'll hold that box of tissues to mop up that mess your face has become. I'll love you no matter how snotty you get, and even if your nose becomes red and bulbous like Rudolph's.

Fall apart baby. I'm not here to judge. We'll make it better somehow, or we'll just wait it out until the feelings fade. I'm here for the long haul, and I'm here in your corner. I may not have the right words, or the wisdom to solve what needs to be solved, but I'm here with you. For you.

Fall apart baby. Fall with me.