I'm going to admit something here. I am on the wrong side of 20 - ok, ok the wrong side of 25 - and I do not know what dating is really about. I can't wrap my head around the concept of it. Is it like taking a car you've secretly been yearning for, on a test drive? Or is it like trying a brand new cellphone of a brand that you had never before heard of? Or is it like looking at something already quite familiar, under a totally different light? I wish there was a manual. In fact, in this crazy world I am sure someone, somewhere has already written some guidelines for the totally inept and clueless: 'Dating 101 for Absolute Morons'. Someone please pass it on to me, because I exaggerate not when I say: I have NO clue.
I have been on maybe three dates my entire life. Possibly even less. But let's just say three for now, as I am not too sure how to determine the datey-ness of a date. I mean unless it has not been specified that the 'meeting' in question is indeed a date (Gulp. The word makes me nervous.). Is it because it is just the two of you there? Is it the location, or is it the meal? I mean, is a breakfast meeting as likely to be a date as one in the evening, or is Italian food more romantic than a hot dog? Is it because clearly noone else has been invited (because I might possibly have changed several dates into non-dates by mistake that way)? Is it because one person asked the other, instead of it being some miraculous agreement to hang out? Someone please tell me!!! Or, last of all, is it a date because only one of you pays? I am not sure how I feel about the one person paying thing. As much as I like a good treat, I am more comfortable going Dutch. It's a hallmark of my independence, or whatever.
Ok assuming I have somehow established that it IS a date. What is one supposed to do? I was tempted on my very first FIRST date to go with a list of topics of discussion in case conversation waned to a point where it needed some sort of rescusitation. I needn't have worried. I was too tongue tied to say anything, and instead spent the afternoon following, with rapt fascination, the escapades of a really pretty insect. (I wish I knew what type it was, it was a REALLY pretty insect!) I'm guessing there should have been a little more conversation than was actually conducted. Are we supposed to discuss the weather (check), and then go into those first day at school type of introductions? My name is Goodmood. I have a brother and two sisters...? (check). There is just too much pressure! And I crumble, and I act, and I fake under pressure. I'm either a brighter, sparklier version of my true self, or as dull as doornails from lack of trying to engage the other person. So basically I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't!
The first date is nerve-wracking, it's true, but so is the concept of dealing with a second... I know I am not committing to a lifetime with this person, just by agreeing to another meal. But why does it FEEL like I am? No, I cannot meet you for dinner again because life as we know it will change forever?! I should try saying that in real life - it will send any prospective to the hills in a blink! And what if I am not interested after (and perhaps even BEFORE) the first date. Sure on paper, he (I like guys, just to clarify) is quite suitable using the general criteria. But what if there is no zing! after the first meeting. Is it like when you have to try a particular type of top again with jeans instead of the skirt you were wearing the time before to see the effect? Does one still go in for a trial run? Because this lack of zing! threatens (according to the rest of the world) to leave me single forever. Not that I mind, but since being single is unheard of at my age, I guess I am doomed. I have yet to find the very economical sounding coincidence of wants (i.e. mutual attraction) between myself and a 'suitable' individual. And as for trying them out for the zing! factor... I have mentally tried and tested them in my head before the first bite at dinner/lunch/breakfast/brunch/high tea/what have you, and failed them!
Like I said, I can't wrap my head around dating. I am a romantic of the purest (and clearly most delusional) kind. I know this. I do. I just don't believe in doing the work (as dating kind of appears to be). In my most optimistic of times (even now, when I am nearing expiry, and allegedly resigned to sitting on my pre-assigned dusty old shelf for the rest of eternity), I want that zing! to suddenly happen to me - be it with a stranger in the supermarket, with a cab driver through the rear view mirror (this might actually happen given my strange experiences with cabbies) or with someone I have known forever and not quite seen in that light before. I know. Delusional. But the only alternative to sitting around hoping (which is SO much fun to do), is... (my throat is getting dry, and my palms are already sweaty at the thought)... is... to date! Where IS that manual???
I have been on maybe three dates my entire life. Possibly even less. But let's just say three for now, as I am not too sure how to determine the datey-ness of a date. I mean unless it has not been specified that the 'meeting' in question is indeed a date (Gulp. The word makes me nervous.). Is it because it is just the two of you there? Is it the location, or is it the meal? I mean, is a breakfast meeting as likely to be a date as one in the evening, or is Italian food more romantic than a hot dog? Is it because clearly noone else has been invited (because I might possibly have changed several dates into non-dates by mistake that way)? Is it because one person asked the other, instead of it being some miraculous agreement to hang out? Someone please tell me!!! Or, last of all, is it a date because only one of you pays? I am not sure how I feel about the one person paying thing. As much as I like a good treat, I am more comfortable going Dutch. It's a hallmark of my independence, or whatever.
Ok assuming I have somehow established that it IS a date. What is one supposed to do? I was tempted on my very first FIRST date to go with a list of topics of discussion in case conversation waned to a point where it needed some sort of rescusitation. I needn't have worried. I was too tongue tied to say anything, and instead spent the afternoon following, with rapt fascination, the escapades of a really pretty insect. (I wish I knew what type it was, it was a REALLY pretty insect!) I'm guessing there should have been a little more conversation than was actually conducted. Are we supposed to discuss the weather (check), and then go into those first day at school type of introductions? My name is Goodmood. I have a brother and two sisters...? (check). There is just too much pressure! And I crumble, and I act, and I fake under pressure. I'm either a brighter, sparklier version of my true self, or as dull as doornails from lack of trying to engage the other person. So basically I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't!
The first date is nerve-wracking, it's true, but so is the concept of dealing with a second... I know I am not committing to a lifetime with this person, just by agreeing to another meal. But why does it FEEL like I am? No, I cannot meet you for dinner again because life as we know it will change forever?! I should try saying that in real life - it will send any prospective to the hills in a blink! And what if I am not interested after (and perhaps even BEFORE) the first date. Sure on paper, he (I like guys, just to clarify) is quite suitable using the general criteria. But what if there is no zing! after the first meeting. Is it like when you have to try a particular type of top again with jeans instead of the skirt you were wearing the time before to see the effect? Does one still go in for a trial run? Because this lack of zing! threatens (according to the rest of the world) to leave me single forever. Not that I mind, but since being single is unheard of at my age, I guess I am doomed. I have yet to find the very economical sounding coincidence of wants (i.e. mutual attraction) between myself and a 'suitable' individual. And as for trying them out for the zing! factor... I have mentally tried and tested them in my head before the first bite at dinner/lunch/breakfast/brunch/high tea/what have you, and failed them!
Like I said, I can't wrap my head around dating. I am a romantic of the purest (and clearly most delusional) kind. I know this. I do. I just don't believe in doing the work (as dating kind of appears to be). In my most optimistic of times (even now, when I am nearing expiry, and allegedly resigned to sitting on my pre-assigned dusty old shelf for the rest of eternity), I want that zing! to suddenly happen to me - be it with a stranger in the supermarket, with a cab driver through the rear view mirror (this might actually happen given my strange experiences with cabbies) or with someone I have known forever and not quite seen in that light before. I know. Delusional. But the only alternative to sitting around hoping (which is SO much fun to do), is... (my throat is getting dry, and my palms are already sweaty at the thought)... is... to date! Where IS that manual???
Posts
I'd like to see this manual too :P
ReplyDeletethere is no manual.
ReplyDeletejust go with the flow.....
and definitely, WAIT for that zing!!!!:-)
AND just relax.....until you reach my age, quit moaning about your age! lollll.........:-)
wait for that zing.
Sir...I thought you were married:)
ReplyDelete