Roll Call

People come, people go. Over time, relationships grow and wane and alter their shapes and colours. It's a part of life. I say this with ease, and rather matter-of-factly. Of course, the reality is often a roller-coaster and typical of what this journey of life is about: growth, and change. Some of these comings and goings are subtle... you don't quite realise when someone has lodged themselves into your heart or quietly slipped out of it. Other movements are a little more bombastic, and leave you significantly different with their arrivals or departures. I'll understate the significant shifts in internal joy and sadness, and call it... personal growth?

But you know what I mean.

It's not something I really dwell on, unless it's been one of those remarkable shifts that either seared my soul or set it soaring. I mean, those quiet movements are those that hardly register unless some random incident or memory sparks an internal query: 'Isn't it funny how we became close?' Or, 'Whatever happened to her?'

However last weekend I was forced to take a sort of roll call of the people who I've been privileged to know and love. I was looking through some photo albums for a particular picture and realised there are so many people absent in my current roll call - people I had at one point or another thought would always be around. There were others with whom the entire equation has changed - the closeness has gone. I felt quite sad, and I won't lie: I sat for a few minutes feeling a little sorry for myself, walking down memory lane, and missing a lot of people. Missing the way we were (yes, with Barbra Streisand singing in my head).

As I looked at photo after photo, the sadness dissipated to a bittersweet feeling. I still had some wonderful memories to peruse, and I recognised that in the same way that my position in so many lives had changed, so had theirs in mine. It wasn't a bad thing, it just... was. I had forgotten my belief about people. Whether for a short stint, or for an entire chapter, they come in for a reason. I've been lucky that way. Each person has made me richer, in ways I may not have recognised at the time. I am a little bit of every person I have loved. And the best bit? There's some amazing people still present on my roll call, slowly enriching me, and teaching me. 

How can I be sad about that?