Now Doesn't Last Forever

I write this in memory of Sang Lee who passed on earlier this month. I had the privilege and joy of reading his blog, and he truly made a mark on me. I read the quote I used below when he commented on a blog he followed called Restaurant Girl. The post in question was http://www.restaurantgal.com/2009/12/stark-reality-in-daylight/. I am sad that he died, but thankful his words, at least, will stay on forever.

'Fuck it. Not to the situation, or what you have to do, but how it affects you. It’s just now. And now doesn’t last forever.' Sang Lee

She fastened the seat belt and huddled under the blanket, leaning her head against the fuselage of the plane. She usually loved plane journeys. She would always be teetering on the edge of her seat watching the people board and put away their things as she made up stories about where they were headed and why. She'd be drumming her feet as the plane taxied, anticipation building as the plane took off. And if there was a cute guy next to her, she'd be plotting a way to start conversation, and planning the timing of the ice-breaker according to the length of the journey.

But not on this night. Not on this journey.

Tonight felt like the culmination of a thousand bad decisions and paths wrongly taken. She felt old and weary and lifeless. All her dreams felt so far out of reach; so improbable. She could see nothing to look forward to, nothing in her life worth retaining, or making better. All that she could see ahead were a multitude of dead ends, and it seemed as though every step she made forward led to umpteen obstacles that hurled her farther back than where she had started from. Life had become a thousand shades of grey - it seemed the only colour around.

When the stewardess came by and told her to put up the window blind, she looked out of the window. She was instantly struck by the splendour of the rain and its effects on the runway and the airport field. The tarmac was a glossy gown of charcoal black at this time of the night. The lights - orange, red, white - glittered prettily, and bled into the coat of rain on the ground. Each colour seemed more vibrant - like it had been given a wash and was hung out to dry. She felt some of the grey of her own mood lift, and her mind went back to another night; another journey - another bleak moment when she had felt like giving up. The earnest words of a dear friend floated in her memory, 'Fuck it. Not to the situation, or what you have to do, but how it affects you. It’s just now. And now doesn’t last forever.'

As the plane left the ground and soared towards a melting sky, the fog in her mind began to clear, and she slowly began to look for possibilities. It WAS just now... and now doesn't last forever...